A Conversation in the Soul Cairn
by Church1alpha
Summary: During the visit to the Soul Cairn, the Dragonborn and Serana start talking about their pasts and themselves. Something a little different.


A/N: Something different today. I was playing Skyrim, and got to the point in the Dawnguard DLC where you have to journey into the Soul Cairn. I started thinking about the sky, and where it had been seen before, and what a conversation between the Dragonborn and Serana would have been like, and that led to this. All past actions referenced are either slightly AU or my own character's decisions. Hope you enjoy.

* * *

"My gods," Serana gasped in awe. "The sky. Look at the sky."

She and the Dragonborn had just arrived in the Soul Cairn, and it was like nothing Serana had seen before. The landscape was barren and desolated, with a fog-covered ground and the ruins of towers long ancient ere the disappearance of the Dwemer. But the sky was the most dramatic feature. Rather than the normal sun, moon, and constellations, a swirling vortex of energy filled the upper hemisphere. It was like nothing she had ever seen before, and she told him so.

"I've seen something like this once before," he replied, a shadow falling over his normally calm face. Serana immediately realized he was talking about something that happened before he released her from the crypt; he hadn't spoken much of his past, and she of all people could respect someone's wishes to leave it behind. This time was different, though. The Dragonborn continued, "I saw a sky much like this in Sovngarde."

Serana stared at him in shock. When she was a child, she had heard rumors of Sovngarde from the Nords, but the only way to access it was through death. And the Dragonborn was very much alive. Wasn't he?

"You don't talk much about your past," she said, deciding that for as long as he was willing to talk, she'd listen. "What happened? You can't have had too weird a childhood; at least, not nearly as strange as mine. What was it all like?"

"I don't know," he told her, his eyes filled with sorrow. "The first thing I remembered, I was sitting on a cart, being taken to be executed as a traitor. Apparently I was caught near the border, near Ulfric Stormcloak, but I don't remember any of it. They were going to behead me, under the orders of General Tullius."

"That's terrible! What did you do to deserve that?"

"If I did anything, I don't remember it. I went quietly, no sense trying to escape and getting shot like a coward. I walked to the execution block, kneeled, put my head down, saw the axe raised."

"And you died?" she asked him, unable to restrain her curiosity any further.

"In a manner of speaking," he said. "Whoever I had been died that day. Just before I was to be killed, a dragon showed up. You know those dragons that I've been killing when and where I can? That was the first I saw. That was Alduin."

"The World-Eater? I thought he was a myth. And you fought him?"

"Not then. I managed to escape with the help of an Imperial named Hadvar. Nice guy, I wonder what happened to him sometimes. But after some adventures, I made it to Whiterun, killed a dragon, ate his soul, got summoned by the Greybeards, and all hell broke loose. After spending a few months preparing, doing what I had to do to be ready, I managed to find Alduin's lair."

"Where was it? Where had he been hiding?"

"He had a portal. To Sovngarde. I went through it. Killed Alduin. That was my first major kill."

"Major kill?"

"I haven't exactly been inconspicuous during my time here. I found the last remaining sanctuary of the Dark Brotherhood, and exterminated them. I took down the Thieves Guild and killed Maven Blackbriar. I became Archmage of the College of Winterhold, stopping a Thalmor plot that claimed the life of the previous Archmage. And I tracked down all the resting places of the Dragon Priests, and ended their unnatural existence and that of their Draugr. Killed them one by one."

The venom in his voice when he spoke of them surprised her, and she asked, "You don't like the undead, do you? You seem to hate them, whenever you talk about them."

"The Dragon Priests were a blight, a stain on this plane. They used their followers, drained them of their life to try to live forever. They were less than human, and a reminder of what I must never be."

"And vampires?" she asked him, knowing his answer.

"In general, they need to be exterminated. Sanguinare Vampiris is a plague, spread to those poor fools who don't immediately succumb to their wounds. It turns people against each other, makes them want to kill. There were several covens of feral vampires that I've had to exterminate like the vermin they are. It was not a pleasant task, but it was them or me."

"And when we've finished here? Will you kill me as well?"

He was shocked that she would say that, would even think it, before he remembered precisely who and what he was talking with. "Serana, please believe me. I wouldn't hurt you, would never hurt you. I will admit that I sometimes forget that you're a vampire as well. You're one of the only ones I've ever met who isn't actively evil."

"Why would you assume that vampires are evil? We're all different, just like the rest of you."

"Maybe there's something different about the pure-blooded vampires, the Daughters of Coldharbour, but the vampires currently in Skyrim are different. They're feral, vicious, evil." She saw a tear leave his eye, and knew that there was something he was leaving out. She demanded to be told.

"When I was just arrived, after the attack on Helgen, I found lodging with an older couple, Lod and Berthe, who had a daughter around my age. Her name was Ellina, and I began courting her. I had been staying with them for a few weeks, and Lod wanted my help chopping down some firewood from the forest near their home. I was gone for most of the day, and didn't get back until full dark. There had been an attack, just after dusk. I found Lod and Berthe's corpses on the ground outside of the house, drained of blood. The house was burning and I went in to salvage what I could, but there was no sign of Ellina. I waited there for three days, and on the third day she returned.

"She looked different, a bit haggard, and if she slunk from patch of shade to patch of shade, I didn't pay attention. I was too pleased that she at least had survived. But she hadn't. The attack was led by a minor vampire, who had gathered a group of four or five followers. He decided to add her to his ranks. She was a good, virtuous woman, and I loved her dearly. But as soon as she got within arm's reach of me, she attacked. Drew blood, tried to drain me.

"I slipped a silver dagger into her heart myself. Used my magefire to burn the corpse on a funeral pyre, after purifying the body. I hope she found some peace at last, peace that I haven't been able to find. I tracked the coven by her footprints. I was weak from loss of blood, and my heart was heavy. To this day, I do not know if it was revenge I wanted, or an end of some kind. But I found their lair, waited until they returned from hunting, and did what I had to do. One of them was a newly-turned child. She begged for her life, and I foolishly let my guard down. She attacked, and I was forced to kill her. A child, and I killed, dismembered, and burned her. The memories haunt me to this day. So I hope you understand, Serana, why I dislike vampires."

She turned away from him, her face in her hands. "So the only reason you're here is to stop Harkon? To stop the prophecy? I'm just a means to an end to you, I can understand that now. I'm surprised you can even stand to be around me." She stood, and moved to walk away, but his hand on her shoulder stopped her. She turned back to him and looked him in the eye for the first time since he started his story.

"No, Serana, there's a little more. From the battle, I contracted Sanguinare Vampiris, and didn't realize. Left untreated, it turned me into a vampire. I felt the bloodlust, the uncontrollable thirst. I experienced first-hand the evil. I stalked a traveler, waited until night, and pounced. It was my good luck that he was a mage, in fact second in command of the college. He took me there in the dead of night, waited until the college was sleeping, then attempted to perform an exorcism ritual on me. It was painful, but it worked. He had successfully cured me. Please understand that it's not you I hate, nor truly all vampires. It's the disease, and what it did to me, what it nearly made me become."

"And so you want to help me, to kill Harkon, and get your revenge."

"No," he said, and she stared at him in shock. He sounded so resolute, but why? "No, Serana, that is not why I'm here. I'm here to stop Harkon, but not to stop the prophecy. I'm going to stop him, kill him if I must, so he doesn't hurt you. Had he stayed in Castle Volkihar, harming few, I would have left him alone. Had he ignored the prophecy, or tried to fulfil it another way, I would have left him as long as I could. But he's going to hurt you, kill you for the sake of a weapon. And that I will not allow."

"But I'm a vampire," she reminded him, confused by his contradictions. "By what you just said, you think I'm evil."

"No, Serana, you're not. You're one of the best, bravest people I know. You woke up after being imprisoned in a sarcophagus for who knows how many millenia, thirstier than you'd ever been before. I know vampire physiology well enough, I know the signs. Constricted pupils, increased respiratory rate, elongated fangs. You had them all, and more extreme than a lesser vampire could have survived. The first thing you saw was me, a mortal. Weak, distracted, ripe for the taking. But you held back. You waited until we were back outside, under the burning sun, and you went after a deer. A deer, rather than one of the many humans nearby. You refused to kill, even then."

"But that's not the point. The point is that I'm a monster, the point is that I'm cursed, the point is that I'm dangerous. To everyone around me. Isran's right, you should just kill me now, like you've been planning to."

"Kill you?" he questioned in shock. "Kill you? Never. I'd sooner die myself. Serana, when I went to Dimhollow Crypt, I went in expecting to die. It was home to a group of vampires who had just killed the entire group of Vigilants of Stendarr. It was sheer luck that I survived, and even then I wasn't planning to go on. I became a vampire hunter because I had nothing else to live for. I'd fulfilled my destiny, said my goodbyes. I ran into Ellina in Sovngarde. We spoke for a while, but she'd found somebody else there. I was a shell of a man, seriously considering walking out into the wilderness and ending it. And then I found you. You needed my help, needed me, when nobody else did. I owe you my life. Kill you? That's furthest from my mind."

"And what's at the top of your mind right now?" she asked him. "If you don't want me dead, if I'm different to you, what would you do? I'm a monster. I deserve-"

He cut her off as he closed the distance between them faster than she herself could have, and pulled her into an embrace. "Serana, you're not a monster. You made a decision in your past that you're coming to regret, but that's normal. If it bothers you this much, I could take you to the man who removed the curse from me, but know that no matter what you do I will support you."

"But why?" she sobbed. "Why me? I'm broken, cursed, a monster repellent to be around. Why me?"

"Repellent?" he asked. "If you were repellent, would I do this?" And he kissed her. Not passionately, not at first. Just a gentle kiss, into which he poured all his emotions. She was too surprised to respond at first, but then she began to kiss him back. The pair felt the stress and exhaustion leave them, felt as though nothing around them truly existed anymore. It was just the two of them, lost in a timeless state of bliss. Eventually they pulled apart and gazed into each other's eyes.

"Serana," he said. "You are truly a wonderful person, and I don't care that you're a vampire. I don't care that the Dawnguard would want me to kill you, and I sure as hell don't give a damn what that paranoid bastard Isran would say. I care for you very deeply, and I want you to know that I'll be by your side for as long as you'll have me. I have two things for you, that might be helpful. I worked on them for a long time, and if they can help you at all it'll all have been worthwhile."

He began to rummage through his pack, and eventually pulled out a package wrapped in a cloth. Serana couldn't help but notice a number of suspicious tears in the fabric that would match sword and arrow wounds, but didn't mention them. He handed the package to her, and waited with baited breath.

The first object was a dragonbone dagger, enchanted to deal elemental damage and recharge itself when used. The second object was a circlet, copper and sapphire, matching his ring. She could see that it was enchanted, but couldn't tell what enchantments. They were like nothing she'd seen before, and she asked him about them.

"I found this in some Dwemer ruins, and worked on enchanting it. I designed the enchantments specially for it. One is a general protection rune set, that'll absorb most of the physical and magical damage that you could take. The other enchantment on it is linked to my ring, and through that to me. If you ever near death, it will siphon energy from me and the dragon souls I've consumed. I won't risk losing you."

Serana was touched by the depth of his care and worry for her, and immediately put the circlet on. She looked at the dagger, then switched her gaze to the one currently hanging on her belt. "This dagger," she told him, "Was given to me by my father, as an eighteenth birthday present, the day he taught me to use it properly. I've had it by my side for over two thousand years, reminding me of one of our last perfect days together."

"I understand," he told her. "You don't need to use my gift, if your blade holds sentimental value. I'm not upset-"

She cut him off. "That man, that kind and loving man, is gone. My father has become a monster, and the person I loved, I shared that day with, is gone forever." She unsheathed the dagger on her belt, knelt, and stabbed it deep into the ground. Then she replaced it with the dragonbone one, and said, "I would be honored to carry this blade, as a new reminder."

They both sat and talked, holding each other, for hours after that. Serana didn't know if they would find her mother, or even if they would both survive. All she knew was that whatever was to come, whatever the cost, they would face it together.


End file.
